Sunscreen
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For those of us with kids who are so young that we need to apply their sunscreen for them, we can't wait until summer is over. Every day (sometimes multiple times a day) we're chasing down unhappy children who act like sunscreen is an acid. While it's not an acid, it is a goopy mess; it goes all over their clothes, all over our clothes, inside their ears, in our mouths and, sometimes, on their skin.
It's a pain, and you often want to say, "Fine! Then don't wear any and see how you feel!" But you can't, because they're three years old, and you're a grownup. And nobody asks toddlers how they got their horrible sunburn. Instead, you're going to get asked. And saying, "He was being an a*****e," isn't going to go over real well. Come on, grey skies; you can't come soon enough!
Sand
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The beach! Everybody loves the beach during the summer. We love building sandcastles, playing in the surf and looking for sand dollars. Our kids can't get enough of the beach—until it's time to leave. That's when they realize that there is sand stuck to them that isn't coming off. So, they run into the water to wash it off and then dash back through the sand, thus getting covered with sand again.
This can go on for a long, long time and is usually accompanied by tears and screaming. One time my daughter went in the water, came out, laid down on the beach, rolled around and then started screaming because she was covered in sand. Kids are ridiculous, and sand can go to hell.
Camp Supplies
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"Okay, for this week's camp we need a water bottle with your name on it, and your name has to be written on masking tape with a blue sharpie. We also need a snack*, a change of clothes and three forms saying that we won't sue them if you fall off something high. For next week's camp we need a lunch**, two water bottles, water shoes, sunscreen, empty toilet paper rolls and as many grasshoppers as we can catch."
No problem. You'll remember all of it. Guess what you won't remember until you're in the car? Where the camp is. Have fun!
*Nut-free
**Also nut-free
All The Meals
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During the school year, lunch and snacks are taken care of. Your kids are either buying it themselves at school or you're packing it all up early in the morning. Either way, for the rest of the day you don't have to worry about cutting the crust off the bread for anyone but you. Then summer comes, and now you've got these children who come to you for food every 15 minutes and expect you to make sandwiches and stuff. It's a lot of food. So, so much food.
All Those Extra Words
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It doesn't matter if you're a stay-at-home parent or someone who works at a call center—the number of words in your day is going to increase ten-fold once summer comes. I've found that if you repeat the last few words of their sentence you can get away with not listening for a while. "Twice as many points, huh?" "A Squirtle evolves into a Wartotle, huh?" "Una mas cerveza, por favor. Oops. I mean, Pokestops, huh?"
Works like a charm. You're welcome.
The Additional Expenses
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For those of us with kids in public school, summer is the most expensive time of the year other than the holidays. "I'm paying how much for what?! (sigh) Fine. I'm gonna go Craigslist the house."
With the money you pay for nine weeks of summer you could almost afford that vacation you'll never get to take. And that's why we have fall—and with it, school—because that's our vacation. Pass the cervesas.
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