Temper tantrums are unpredictable, and they quickly turn your adorable little toddler into a raging, screaming mess. What seems like a random event is actually your kid's way of trying to say something. They just don't have the ability to express it calmly and at a human decibel.
Whether your kid's next temper tantrum happens at home or in public (every parents' nightmare), arm yourself with the tools to bring the tantrum down before it claims any innocent bystanders in the surrounding area.
Understand the Cause
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Most temper tantrums occur between the ages of 18 months to 4 years old, according to Nelson's Essentials of Pediatrics. At this stage, most kids don't have the ability to fully express their feelings, which means if they're upset, an explosion of anger is likely to happen. They also can't tell the difference between wanting something and needing something.
If your kid gets upset, try to help them process exactly what they're feeling and why. A lot of times, kids throw temper tantrums because they know it will get them out of specific interactions or activities. Make sure that once they've calmed down, you return to the activity again to prevent reinforcing the behavior in the future.
Stay Calm
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Once a temper tantrum has started, losing your cool will only result in a tantrum escalation. In fact, according to Dr. Steven Dickstein–a pediatrician and child and adolescent psychiatrist–in an interview with the Child Mind Institute, your IQ drops about 30 percent when you're angry. Your child takes cues from you on how to react to a situation, so they won't calm down until you do. Keep your voice steady and get down to their level to look them in the eye and talk to them calmly about what's really upsetting them.
Avoid Hanger
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Becoming hangry is a result of being hungry, which then makes you angry. Most adults can barely deal with the rage that comes with being hangry, so it's understandable that your kid can't deal with it either. Packing extra snacks for your kids will help you tremendously for the next temper tantrum. If they're hangry, they'll be ecstatic about getting food and it will help distract them. Set it up in the tray of a stroller to have them focus on getting the snack instead of continuing to revolt. And of course, they can't yell too loudly when they have a mouth full of food.
Bring Backup Toys
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Keep extra toys with you whenever you're out, so when tantrum warning signs pop up, you can distract them with a toy. Make sure to have these toys on hand for when you might be waiting in line or running errands that won't hold your kid's attention. Make sure you don't pack a toy that is too advanced for them. Frustration can be a temper tantrum trigger, and an advanced toy can bring you right back to square one.
Distract From the Issue
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A lot of temper tantrums stem from telling your kid "no." They may ask for a sugary cereal or an expensive toy. If you know that your kid doesn't handle the word "no" well, don't say it. Instead, distract them with something else they want. Instead of saying no to the cereal, ask them if they want to get some yogurt. If you don't have an item to distract them, you can distract them with an activity, like counting all of the red boxes or seeing if they can guess what you're going to put in the cart next.
Ignore the Tantrum
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Sometimes, the best response is no response. Temper tantrums can be your kid's attempt to get more attention or get a response from you. Instead of responding, simply continue what you were doing before the tantrum began. If you were in the middle of doing the dishes, continue to do so until your child calms down on their own.
Find a Change of Scenery
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Sometimes removing your kid from the location of the tantrum helps them calm down. You could either hold them to comfort them or move them to a comforting location, like their crib. Setting aside a space to calm them down will help them do just that.
Make a Change of Plans
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When they're in the middle of a breakdown, remind them of something fun you had planned, like a play date or a family outing. Give them the option of either continuing their tantrum or going to the event. Providing them with an ultimatum helps them prioritize what's really important to them, and they usually calm down to ensure they can still participate in the event. Don't try to barter with something you will absolutely go to, though. Make sure what you are threatening to cancel is something you will actually cancel if they refuse to calm down.
Time Out
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Sometimes your kid just needs a good, old-fashioned time out. Give them a boring place to sit and calm down. Along with the time out, you can also give them something called a "calm bottle," or a "glitter jar." The idea of the jar is to give your kid something to focus on as they calm down from their temper tantrum.
To make one, just follow these steps:
1. Get an empty, clear bottle with smooth sides.
2. Fill the bottle 3/4 with water. Then add one full bottle of clear glue. Shake the bottle.
3. Add as much glitter as you'd like to the mixture.
4. Add 1-2 drops of food coloring to better see the glitter in the bottle.
5. Use duct tape or strong glue to help seal the lid to the bottle.
6. Shake and let your kid be mesmerized by the floating glitter in the bottle.
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