I recently returned from walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain with my toddler, who I pushed in a stroller. The Camino de Santiago is a network of pilgrimage routes throughout Europe that lead to the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela. Many people walk The Way, as it is often called, as a spiritual pilgrimage.
I walked to regain a sense of space and silence in my life and to prove to myself that I could still have big adventures as a mother. In the course of a month, my daughter and I walked nearly 370 miles across the Spanish countryside. While an adventure this scale may not be right for every parent, I learned quite a few things that can be handy for any adventure with children.
Be Flexible
Flexibility is a key tenet of parenting, and it's a key tenet of travel and adventure, too. In order to meet my mileage goals, I had a destination that we needed to reach by the end of each day, but all bets were off as far as what happened in the hours it took us to get there. Some days I could cruise at 3-4 miles per hour as my child sat contentedly in the stroller while other days we stopped every five minutes to eat, pee, run in circles or play at a village playground. Keeping my daughter comfortable and happy was more important than sticking to a rigid schedule–for both our sakes.
Don't Let Fear Stop You
Maybe you know the feeling–you've finally booked a big adventure and the second you click "purchase" you immediately start thinking, "what have I done?" That feeling was especially strong when I booked this adventure with my kid. I began worrying that I'd gotten in over my head, that there was no way my daughter would sit in a stroller for all of those miles and, worse, that I was a selfish and irresponsible parent.
I don't have enough room here to list every negative thought that entered my head. Thankfully, I had enough experience to know that those thoughts weren't some premonition of doom but my completely natural reaction to doing something that scared me. Don't let your own fears stop you from undertaking an adventure.
Ignore the Naysayers
When I announced plans on my blog to walk across Spain with my child, most readers sent me well wishes and notes of encouragement. But there were a few who told me they'd walked the Camino themselves and that I was planning the impossible.
I'd in fact walked the Camino too, five years prior and knew that walking it with a toddler would be hard but not impossible. And it was hard. Sometimes it was really, really, hard. There are days when I look back on what I did and wonder how I did it. But I did do it. And to think that if I had believed the naysayers I would have just stayed home.
Kids Don't Need Much
My child has a ton of toys, and while I know she doesn't need that stuff to be happy, a small piece of me worried that she'd grown too used to her blocks, stuffed animals and tea sets to entertain herself any other way.
I was so wrong. She brought one toy and a handful of books on our trip and they were enough. She read and read and read (making up new stories each time), collected rocks, sang songs, asked me a million questions and, of course stopped to pet every cat/dog/horse/donkey that we passed (and there were a lot of them). It was a great reminder that when kids aren't swamped with stuff their imagination has room to take over.
It's Okay to Not Be the Perfect Parent
All that said about toys, I also brought a tablet on the trip and allowed my daughter to watch shows as we walked. I admit there were times when I felt the judgmental gaze of other hikers and even a few instances when those hikers expressed that judgment to me with an (extremely unhelpful) "how sad, she's staring at a screen and missing all of this." I wanted to scream at them that she was spending upwards of 9 hours in a stroller every day, that I was doing this alone and her watching a few episodes of "Daniel Tiger" did not mean she was "missing all of this". Instead I trudged on, ignored the few strangers who brought me down and focused on the many people I met who lifted me up.
You Won't Be Alone
The beauty of the trail–whether you're taking a backcountry route or an ancient footpath across Spain–is that people look out for one another. There were times when I absolutely couldn't do it alone, when the trail was too rocky and I needed a hand with the stroller, and someone always showed up for me. Always.
But more than that, there were countless women who came up to me to tell me that I was an inspiration, that I was an example of what motherhood could be or to take pictures while telling me with a smile that they were going to email it to their own daughters or granddaughters, young mothers themselves, to show them what was possible. Those interactions lifted my spirit, filled my soul and reminded me that as mothers we need to be out there living lives that thrill us, not just to set examples for our own children but to set it for other women, too.
It's 100 Percent Worth It
I traveled a lot before becoming a mom, and I worried that I wouldn't be able to have big adventures once I had a child. For me, this wasn't just about the adventure of walking across Spain; it was a test to see if it was possible for me to merge the two parts of my life I love most.
What I didn't expect was that the world would open up to me because I was with my child. From the shopkeepers who kept my daughter supplied with free lollipops and trinkets to the feeling of camaraderie I felt sitting shoulder to shoulder with Spanish parents as our children chased pigeons in the plaza, I was no longer just a nameless traveler to the world–I was the mom of a child.
I watched as my daughter began to say words in Spanish. I watched as she tromped her way through the Spanish meseta at sunrise, the light too weak to even cast a shadow on the newly waking world. I listened as she gasped from her stroller, yelling, "Mama, look at that beautiful mountain! Look at that brown horse!" I watched closely, which is the point of walking.
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