These moments remind us of all the wild, weird, wacky and oh-so-gross ways our lives have changed since becoming parents.
Mystery Gross Out
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While sorting laundry, you encounter the infamous "mystery wad" in your kid's pants pocket. Is it food, you wonder, or a specimen of a newly discovered creature?
Lunch Leftovers
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A nicely packed lunchbox walks out the door every morning. What comes back home would turn the stomach of a heart surgeon and challenge the limits of your dishwasher's heavy load cycle. And that tuna sandwich that sat in the backpack from Friday to Sunday night? Shudder.
Say What?!
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The only words toddlers seem to speak clearly are the ones they hear their parents yelling at the TV when their favorite team isn't playing well (you know the ones). They show off this talent in front of the grandparents, neighbors, babysitters and anyone else within earshot.
Becoming MacGyver
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You can now "hack" your way out of all sorts of unusual circumstances. Kid has an accident? No problem, you just happen to have an extra pair of pants and half a dozen paper napkins in your purse. Little ballet dancer needs a bun? Here's three paper clips and a scrap of ribbon. Science fair project falling apart? Isn't that why gum was invented?
As the Stomach Turns
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Your perspective on vomit has changed. You are now thrilled when someone pukes on the tile (instead of the carpet), and you practically throw a party when the kids can make it to the toilet before hurling. In one shocking instance, you instinctively put out your hands to catch puke.
Common Scents
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When you have babies, your world smells like sour milk and pee. When your kids get to grade school, your world smells like dirty socks and pee. And when your kids are teens, your world smells like armpits, deodorant spray, and surprisingly, still pee.
Trash and Treasure
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Kids love to pick up bottle caps, colorful bits of plastic and other odd things off the ground. They treat this "floor garbage" like gold, and trade it between themselves like currency. We find ourselves sneaking into bedrooms and rifling through pockets in the middle of the night in order to return this crap to its rightful place--in the trash can.
Stimulating Conversation
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Dinner topics are, shall we say, interesting. Gone are the days of discussing life, work and current events with our spouse over a quiet evening meal. These days, a lively family discussion might pop up around whether Superman wears underwear on the inside of his pants, too.
The Mad Dash
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Sunday night is full of surprises–and we're not talkin' date night. These surprises often involve frantic runs to the store to grab forgotten poster board, markers and construction paper for a late-night work session to meet Monday's school project deadline.
Missed a Spot
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A spotless house can be completely trashed by a single child in one afternoon. You've seen it happen again and again, and yet you continue to fight for at least one clean spot, somewhere, upon which to rest your weary eyes the next time you step in a discarded half-eaten peanut butter sandwich.
Woo-Hoo!
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Solo trips to the grocery store are cause for celebration.
Dawn Patrol
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You haven't slept past sunrise in years. Even when the kids are sleeping over at Grandma's, your eyes pop open at the crack of dawn.
Eyewitness News
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Your kids know your secrets, whether you want them to or not, and they'll share them with anyone who'll listen. They'll announce at the community pool, "Mommy's swimsuit comes with boobs!" "My mom's on drugs," they'll shout to the babysitter when you start a course of antibiotics. And the one time you try to be the "fun mom," they'll make sure their teacher knows they were served popcorn and milkshakes for dinner.
Just Like Us
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Finally, we love that they're like us, but sometimes kids magnify our own personality traits in the least flattering ways. That eye roll you thought you had under control? Your child's own rolling eyes suggest not. And it turns out you aren't muttering nearly as quietly as you thought while fighting through traffic as you hear an echo from the backseat: "Pick a lane, dummy!"
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